Corporate Hierarchy

I honestly do not understand why in the corporate world, you cannot tell someone what you think, just because they make more money than you. If you think about it, the reason they make more money than you is because they have been here for a longer time and over time they have proven their worth to the company. If I haven't been here as long, it doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about, it just means you need to listen more carefully to find out.

I am writing this specifically because of someone that I am being forced to work with, who likes to make my life miserable when he can. Actually, that is giving him too much credit. He doesn't care enough about me to make my life miserable, it just happens to be that in the process of him demanding I meet his every whim, my life is made miserable.

He comes to meetings and acts like he doesn't have time for this nonsense. I collect as much information for him as possible to make his life easier, but he doesn't take a second to reference any of it before complaining about everything being incorrectly done. Then instead of telling me what needs to be changed he says it's all fine and storms out, only later to send out a group wide e-mail with everything changed and blame me for what wasn't done properly. Most of the things he gets upset with are a result of him not reading carefully or making incorrect assumptions.

All I want to do is be able to tell him, "Sir, if you had read the information or even the summary I presented you with weeks ago, you would have been able to catch these changes. If you would realize that people are involved other than yourself, you would see how inconvenient it is to make these changes in the plan. Lastly, if you would consult with the other people in this group about your thoughts, you would get some constructive feedback about what is the proper way to proceed. I may not know what I'm talking about but you need to check your facts before making accusations, please. Thank you and have a good day."

See! That doesn't sound so awful! But I have been instructed to not e-mail this man without copying my boss' boss on it and I do not think she would like it if I wrote these things. So now I just feel like a pawn who has been stripped of all movement powers. Checkmate.

The Voices in My Head

I am going to take a break from my alphabetical haphazard postings to reflect a bit on life and God and my thoughts.

I don't know about everyone else in the world, but my head is the busiest place at all parts of my conscious state. As soon as I wake up my mind starts planning, solving, replaying, conspiring, and considering. My mind really never stops moving 100 miles an hour unless...

mUSiC

This is the one thing that gets my mind to stop working. I can just focus on the words and my voice as I generally am belting right along with my Glee star of choice.

The thing that confuses me the most is when God calls us to quiet our hearts before Him. I don't have the slightest idea what that means or what that would feel like. I am equating my heart with my mind here and I know that can be dangerous, but I honestly don't know what it feels like to be quiet.

I can hardly get my thoughts to simmer down enough to get a prayer out. Half the time I start a prayer and i'm in the middle of it and something sets my thoughts off again and then I get down one of those rabbit trails, but to show the enormity of it, let's call it an elephant's trail, and it's near impossible to focus on talking to God.

Take for instance... I was on a run this evening and I was listening to music and even with the music on, because I can't sing and run, my mind was working. I started thinking and thinking and all of a sudden I decided, "My thoughts are out of control. I think that I'll write about it and call the blog 'Voices in My Head.' And now I pulled open my computer and plopped down in my comfy velvet chair and started to write. I got about 2 sentences out before my mind switched directions and I ran out of things to say in this blog. So I sat back and let the elephant trails roll by for about 15 minutes, until finally i realized my diner was getting cold and I hadn't even finished this dumb post, which has no

point.

Maybe I'll stick to photography where I better know how to express myself.

B is for Barbie

In lieu of the holiday season I have decided to focus on my Christmas Ornaments. On my tree and in many boxes (for the ones that didn't fit on my scrawny 6 foot fake tree) i have a large collection of Barbie Ornaments, a smaller collection of Christmas Ball ornaments and a nice collection of Bird ornaments from my mom.

this first one is my new favorite and it is residing on the top of my tree on a top hat (see above).

these boots are representative of the huge cowboy faze i went through, but i love these boots.

this is one of my many Christmas balls and i love this one because it reminds me of Whoville.

This is one of the newest Barbie ornaments that I have and she is one of about... 30+ Barbies who will one day live on a tree of their own :)

this ballet slipper... i don't even remember where it came from because I've had it for so long, but i know that I wanted to be a ballerina when i was very little and i also know that we used to go to the Nutcracker Ballet every year and this might be from a very early show.

this basketball player was given to me by my grandma in high school i believe, along with a volleyball player. I miss basketball!

Alphabetical Photographic Documentary: A is for Aluminum Foil

I have not written in some time because of this weird transition state that has been keeping me busy and bored simultaneously.

I have however decided to start a alphabetical photo-documentary of whatever nonsense I can find.

You lose because A was much harder than I thought... but B will be amazing, just wait.

So...

A is for Allegro Hearth Bakery. This little bakery on my corner has some darn good bread, especially challah!!!

A is for my Alleluia music!!!! We are singing this song in the church choir on Sunday. :)

A is for Allspice so I can make these weird German Christmas cookies. You bake them twice and they have nuts and fruit peel and spices in them...

A is for ALUMINUM FOIL! This is my favorite because it reminds me of my sophomore year in college, my lovely roommate and I decided that if we wrapped our desks with foil and then lights, they would twinkle better... and they DID!

A is for... Avranches, some French word I can't pronounce or translate but is currently hanging in our living room.

In a different life...

Twice recently I was put in a situation where I had the opportunity to step out of my realm of existence and into another character. Neither of these opportunities did I seize... but if I had taken a chance and done what I never would have done...

I was standing at the corner of my street waiting for my sister to pick me up. We were going to an air show sponsored by our company to hear our dad speak, but we were running late. So I was standing on the street so I could jump in the car when she drove by. I was leaning on the rod iron fence on the corner of Hobart and Yeshiva when I saw a man wave from a distance in my direction. I thought he must be waving to someone behind me and so I looked away and concentrated on the white convertible I was hoping to appear around the corner with my sister in it. A few minutes later I heard someone call "Leslie!" I didn't turn to look who it was until that voice became very close behind me. The same man who had waved a minute or two later was next to me now and seemed slightly confused as to why I had not waved back or answered his call of what he thought to be my name. He quickly confirmed "Excuse me, but are you Leslie?"

I paused for a minute, not sure whether to dash his hopes or not. Quicker than I could catch what I was saying, I responded "Oh yes, I am! I am sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you but my mind was wandering! Then you must be..."

"Derick. Derick Petriela."

"Of course." I responded quickly. Observing the direction he had come from and the pace of his breathing I took the next step down this character route and ushered forward, "Shall we go then?"

"Of course. So my wife mentioned that you had changed your mind about the blue on the side wall and thought it would be too strong a contrast or something?" Derick continued, fortunately providing me with a leg to stand on with my alibi.

"Yes, I thought we could go with a softer neutral color like a light cloudy grey at least on one wall, which will provide you will a multitude of options for furniture pieces and art work for that room."

I was secretly VERY worried at this point that I would start confusing him enough that I would have to explain myself too much and then none of the details would add up and he would know the truth. So I did what any self-respecting con-artist would do. "Sir, do you mind if I come right back? ...I know this seems strange but there is something I was just dying to show you and your wife and I realized I just left it in my car!"

"Oh, that's fine! Just meet me on the porch at this second house on the right here."

I spun around and half ran back around the corner only to see the white convertible waiting there for me, next to a lovely woman standing on the corner. She was much prettier than I, with beautiful red hair and a stylish, tailored top on with jeans and heels the perfect weekend height. I had just enough time to admire her outfit before I tapped her on the shoulder to relay the message, "Ma'am I think there is a gentleman waiting for you around the corner at a big yellow house." After this I hopped into the car in one sweeping motion and waved as if I had just got to know her while having a lovely time over tea. She stared slightly confused while glancing back and forth between our car and the corner from where I had come.

OBVIOUSLY if you know me at all, this is not what happened. I awkwardly told him my name was not Leslie and sweat profusely until my sister finally appeared around the corner at which time I bolted toward the car. ...Not the most adventurous sheep in the pack.

I would never have even thought to do something so movie-esk if I hadn't just read an article called "The Lies We Tell" by Daisann McLane in National Geographic Traveler magazine. (http://traveler.nationalgeographic.com/2010/09/real-travel-text) The journalist talks about how she feels little shame in taking on whatever character necessary while in the field to get an interesting story or a few "harmless perks." She pretends to be a jewelry designer in a gem shop in Bangkok so she can see the finest of a seller's stones at a discounted rate. I was truly intrigued by this story that I was border-line uncomfortable with.

The second time I was tempted was this past week at work. Sometimes I stay later than usual just to finish things up and although I am probably one of the main distracting voices in our section of cubicles, I still find it much more enjoyable to work once everyone is gone because it is peaceful in the yellow-lit line of metal and cloth open cages that we work in. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the hustle-bustle of the day at it's busiest as well, but that has nothing to do with this story.

I was quietly working at my desk after most of the people around me had gone home when I heard a cart rolling, two rows down. A man started singing slightly above the accepted office voice level and I realize that it was the cleaning man coming to empty the trash cans from all the rows. He started to sing louder and I was under the belief that he simply wished to past the time and didn't know that I was still working there in my cube. The closer he got, the louder his singing was until he was right outside of my cube and there was no way that he did not see me sitting at my desk. So I decided that he probably needed a little company and this was my one chance to turn life into a musical. So I belted out the beginning to the third verse of "Faithfully" by Journey, almost in perfect harmony with Pete (I could see the name on his badge now).

"Circus Life! du nu nu nu UNDER THE BIG TOP WORLD! We all need the clowns..."

"TO MAKE US SMILE!" He joined me in unison and turned to look me in the eyes. "I'm forever yours... FAITHFULLY!" He belted which adoration beaming from his smile.

ONCE AGAIN, if you know me... I did not break out into song with the cleaning guy at work. No matter how much I think it makes a great cheesy ending to Glee, it's not my style.

All I can say on this point is that I suppose we should all be open to exploring different aspects of our character, as long as we know our limitations...?

;)

I'm in love with my Hill of Squirrels

My thoughts about Squirrel Hill have been developing quicker than I can sort them and put them into words. The update of my life is that I am on my own, paying for my life, living in Squirrel Hill, PA, in Pittsburgh.

I am a... country girl. I know I have friends that would scoff at this notion, but for all intents and purposes I have lived my whole life in suburbia, closer to the cows than the city. I have always been more comfortable on my grandpa's farm in Delevan, NY than I was visiting my best friend in New York... or even driving around my own city of Pittsburgh. We only lived 25-30 minutes away from downtown, but I can probably count on my hand the times we went downtown while I was growing up, and they were always big events.

NOW... I literally can walk outside and see the Cathedral of Learning peeking over the trees. My street leads right into downtown. There are 4 pizza places and 3 coffee shops around the corner next to the small Manor Theatre. I am living in the city!

I can't tell you what I expected. I found a roommate and although I didn't flat out tell her she would or could, she decided where we lived. I mean I looked at apartments with her and I had favorites and at least one I really couldn't stand. But I didn't know where I wanted to live and I didn't know any area except Murrysville, so I didn't know what was nice and what wasn't.

So one day after signing a lease, pulling out, having 3 roommates, then loosing one, tarting our search over again, and visiting a few real dumps... we walked into "the castle." That is what Mozart Management called it when they told us where to meet them. They said "look for the big white castle looking building." And it is! We looked around, said we liked it and basically put down our first month's rent. I didn't really know where I was. I definitely didn't know what I was near or where in respect to Pittsburgh I was. I guess this is my version of either blind faith, or complete ignorance.

When I get a chance I will put up some pictures of the area and my favorite things so far. At the end of my street are a few... beautiful houses. I mean... they're just perfect in perfect location, on the edge of Schenley park. I never thought I would put down roots in Pittsburgh of all places... but I think I want to live in Squirrel Hill for a long time. :)

(Squirrel Hill Tunnel Grand Opening!)

Zechariah is exciting...!

I just came from a wonderful expository (right word?) sermon on Zechariah. I love the way my pastor does Sundays. In the morning he preaches through the new testament and the evening he preaches through the old testament, and even though it has me doing about 2 hours of driving for church on Sunday... I love coming away with a new appreciation for God's word!

Zechariah 9 was the topic and if I was to just read it in my devotionals I might have passed over it as a simple prophetic chapter that I can't exactly seem to understand. But Pastor Jack pointed out, for those less historically inclined, that this chapter tells almost the whole redemptive story of the history of God's people!

The even cooler part is that it is directly parallel with Alexander the Great's conquest and that led right to the sparing of Jerusalem, just like God said He would spare His people! Pastor Jack pointed out that Zechariah predicted the fall of Tyre, which Alexander did conquer in 6 months time. But at the time that this book was written that Type was superior and impregnable. King Nebuchadnezzar spent 13 years trying to take it any never could. Imagine hearing that prophecy and thinking... yeah right. Or even if you believed it, it would be pretty frightening. And then watching Alexander take Tyre, Gaza, Philistia... just exactly like Zechariah said he would and then coming to Jerusalem and sparing it because he had a dream about some priests. Exactly like it was predicted! Sometimes I look through the old testament and get excited and not often enough do I realize that the power of God enabled these men to foretell the future. That is something that even in today's day and age, where "magic" and wonders have become common place, we can hardly comprehend.

Read Zechariah 9 if you get a chance and have some historical awareness. Then be amazed, be VERY amazed!

People and Calling...

So I was just thinking in the car on the way home from church today... do you think sometimes people get so caught up in their mission on earth that they forget why they are on the mission?

To be less vague and more specific... my personal experience is this:

I get really excited about how we are called to spread the gospel to all people and about how we are to value life and how we are to love and care for our neighbors. Sometimes I get so caught up in the people on earth that I need to be serving and telling about Christ that I forget about Christ. I hope this doesn't sound too shocking, but I think there is a danger there to start worshiping people and the mission or call, instead of the all powerful and loving God Who sent us and enables us to act!

I hope this doesn't apply to many of you, but it is something that I think creeps into me a little when I'm not looking. ALWAYS be looking!

Is there really a perfect paradise?

Well, here are a few photos from my last trip as a "kid" to Maui and O'ahu, Hawai'i. It really was an amazing trip and since how I only have about 10 minutes to write before I have to go to bed for my first day of work tomorrow... I will hit some high points with some pictures.

I love flying and there are many reasons for that. One reason is because it seems to turn my world upside-down when I see it from a far. This photo is of a boat I saw in the water from 35,000 and my great 80x zoom camera. But it's funny how normally it would be like looking up into the sky and seeing a plane zip by instead of what I was seeing.

Hawai'i really is near perfect. I know I haven't been everywhere, but honestly I wasn't even that excited about going. I don't mean to sound spoiled and elitist, but I prefer architecture, fabulous historical buildings and different kinds of scenery, not just beach after beach. But There were volcanoes and mountains with rain-forests on top and waterfalls with lava-black beaches and soo much wildlife. The temperature was even perfect!

I got to do some amazing things too. I jumped off waterfalls and into fresh water springs. I drove 52 miles and back on a road with over 600 sharp turns through the mountains. I road my bike down the volcano through fields of lavender and forests of eucalyptus trees with intoxicating aromas.

I also got to go to a luau filled with Hawai'ian food and dancers, rich with historical culture and extraordinary flavors.

I got to ride on a catamaran dinner cruise of which the winds were so hard it was all I could do to hold up my camera and take this ridiculous picture.

We also got to see a fireworks show from our hotel room on the thirteenth floor over looking the amazing beach sunset behind the spectacular explosions.

The resort we stayed at was even like a zoo and the flamingo below was in a pond near our building hiding from me.

Finally we left on a 5pm flight and because of excitement and other feelings I couldn't sleep and I watched the Pacific ocean sunset go from 13 colors, to 8 colors to a bluish black before I finally fell asleep on my last day of officially being a kid in paradise.

Grace is stalking me.

Here are some recent revelations in my life that are driving me forward currently.

We only live once... so why do what people expect you to do!?

We were at an Ingrid Michaelson (AMAZING) concert at the Pittsburgh Arts Festival and it was full of hippies and people that really express themselves through art and their appearance simultaneously. I thought to myself, their weird... but then I thought so many of them are really not weird and are only doing what makes them happy. Although as a Christian I believe we have to draw a line, but that is not what I am talking about. I mean if I want to shave my head or get a tattoo or even just wear things that don't necessarily match, why shouldn't I? I think we need to ask ourselves is what people think driving is or holding us back?

Somethings seem faddish and everyone is doing them, but they make me happy anyway!

I try my best to avoid what's popular at the moment. I feel like if I am a sheep and I do what everyone else is doing than I can't be true to myself or be my own person. But at the same time, some things are a part of my just like they are a part of everyone else! Photography for example. I LOVE taking pictures. I know everyone just about loves taking pictures and if you have a keen eye and a good lens you'll get good results. So sometimes I feel like I am just like everyone else. But that is honestly what I LOVE about photography. It is the art form for unskilled artists. And when I say "unskilled" I realize that it does take some skill. But ANYONE can get behind a lens and press a button. No need to spend the time slaving away at a painting when, for me at least, it's going to turn out ugly anyway.

God's grace is everywhere I turn.

Grace is stalking me. I don't fully understand God's grace, but the more I understand about it the more I am blown away with how surrounded I am by it and how inescapable it is! I would love to go into a deep theological topical discussion on GRACE and how it is undeserved and I keep trying to earn it and how it is the basis of our salvation in many ways, but I won't because I am not theologically trained and I am sure there are great books out there on it like this really great one I read called... The Bible. :)

Think about it.

From the Depths of My Sole

I have spent the last few days browsing on-line for black high heels. I really need a new pair for work because my old ones are sad, years old, squeaky, and scuffed. It seems the closer I get to work and moving out the more things I can come up with that I "need" and the less money I have, considering I haven't actually started work yet. A pair of black heels are pretty standard though and so I am willing to put out a little extra cash in order to get a good pair of long-lasting shoes.

Fashion these days bugs me a bit. Maybe I have simply become too trendy. I really like these fun and crazy pieces that are stylish, but I don't have the pay check to accompany the new trendy pieces every season.

Ok... I will not end of getting any of these shoes but I decided that I would put together a list of edgy black shoes that I saw in my search. Most of these shoes I found on polyvore.com. So here they are:

Top 10 Black "Work" Shoes that I will NEVER buy (mostly because of price :)

1. Swiss Cheese Victim

2. Simple Beauties

3. Menswear Liberation
4. Geometric-Trojan Cowboy
5. Ankle-boot Whoops
6. Punk Boot-Heel
7. Frog Throat Clackers
8. Jetsons Jet-packs
9. Victorian Medusas
10. Tinker-toy Trotts
I think if I was a millionaire/billionaire and had already donated most to charities, I might buy a few of these... definitely starting with the Geometric-Trojan Cowboys, my personal favorite! (Just so you know, in case you couldn't guess, all of these "shoe-names" are fictional in order to save the dignity of the designers.)

to See the World in a New Way

I Still haven't quite figured out this whole posting images thing and Blogger always seems to post the images in the opposite order that I want them in... but anyway!

The last two days I was at the Three Rivers Art Festival in Pittsburgh. There were more photographers there than should be allowed and many of them did beautiful scenery just like you have seen it done a million times. Additionally there were some photographers that were taking a more edgy and modern approach to photography and showed up close abstracts, manipulations, and saturated colors or rather pale monochrome visions.

My favorite of the photographers was Susan Verberg (http://verbergphoto.com/enter.html). All of these photos are hers from her on-line gallery. But All but the first one I saw at her exhibit. The last one is great because the entire picture is a reflection except the very bottom. The bottom window one so so great because the room is completely dark and hidden except for the one section illuminated by the window that allows you to picture the whole room. The window and the bench picture is difficult because you can't tell if you are looking through a window or if it's a reflection.

The very first photo is one from her older collections and obviously very different from the others but if you look through her collections she has so many different and unique themes that she works with that it's surprising. She exemplifies in her photos the kind of beauty, uniqueness, randomness, fun, and color that i hope to be able to capture in my camera one day.

ENJOY!

Fashion STOP 101

Ok... today i spent the majority of my afternoon looking for a new swimsuit on-line. I finally purchased one, but i wanted to post two of my other finds for general enjoyment.

First, this swimsuit caught my eye. It is not the suit that i purchased for a multitude of reasons. 1. It is pink and my freshman year of college I developed a hatred of pink and have not fully recovered from it yet. 2. It is a one-piece and although I prefer to be modest, I can't stand the feeling of being trapped in a super tight onesie that is sopping wet. 3. I believe this designer swimsuit cost something along the lines of $300-400, and even if I was wealthy enough to afford it I probably would have a hard attack over purchasing something like this.

BUT with all that said I really REALLY like this suit and I'm not even sure why.

Next I found these pants. Most of you are probably looking at these pants thinking "what in the world!?!?!" I actually found them on another designer swimsuit site and these are supposedly cover-up pants to wear over your swimsuit! :) I would love to wear them and honestly I probably wouldn't have the guts to wear them any other place than on the beach... but I would wear hem none the less.

So... that's what I found on my journey, along with the actual bathing suit I purchased from J.Crew. Successful day, I think!

The Battle with Technology

Well, as good as i may have thought that I was in my own world... I was wrong.

This week i collectively lost most of the technological things that i value. iPod was stolen, iTunes music was not backed up or synced, computer wiped, Windows 2007 taken away, and my external hard drive did NOT back up what I thought it did, my videos will not play and Netflix won't work.

As things happened one after another i tried to reassure myself that things would be okay. It is JUST an iPod, just some music (3356 songs to be exact) and just some programs and pictures lost. I have been so blessed in so many ways that i should be able to look past it all and be joyful about life none the less.

Unfortunately during this process I realized how much I use these mediums to drown out my pain though. When i started to get stressed and upset about one thing I would look to one of the other mediums to forget my sorrows in, but when there was no program, no song, no picture to distract me... the only thing left was sleep or eating, but I felt sick and couldn't sleep. For so long I have really turned to these technological distractions to get my mind off of the pain I was experiencing in other parts of my life.

NOW I was forced to turn to GOD to vent my problems and struggles to. On top of all the losses, I am currently living back at home during transition and going from being completely independent and having an apartment basically to myself to having one room and tons of people always wanting to be with me and go places with me and talk with me. This is a stressful environment I think for anyone, but especially for someone like me who doesn't handle stress all that well.

I told my roommate last week between finals and graduation that I was stressed and anxious because I had nothing to do and nothing to worry about and I felt like I needed something to worry about, so I worried about not worrying.

In stead of focusing on all the things I haven't lost at this point, I really need to look past the things in my life. Things...

If ALL the things in my life were taken away I need to be able to say I would be joyful because I know Jesus is my savior and that this life needs to be devoted to Him and nothing else. HOW MANY TIMES do I fail at that!? too many.

Will I never change? Thank goodness God is a never changing, good God.

It was pouring and in my head...

outside my window it is pouring. all four windows in my apartment are open and the sky is full of water and power. powerful bolts of energy blasting my emotions.

sometimes i think i have it all together and i can go for a walk and pretend i am in that place where time stops and all is right. that place doesn't exist. i wish no one had ever told me that it did because i think i will always be looking for that place.

now i am happy. lightning and rain make me feel warm and serene on the inside. two of best friends are asleep in the adjoining rooms and artsy-folksy music is lightly flowing out of my headphones. Most of what i hear is the tip-tap of rain and the clicking of my own keys, along with the rushing thoughts in my head.

water does more than make the plants grow. i think it brings growth in my own head and soul every time i sit and listen to the rain and the weather.

there's bread in this coffee cup and it's not even mine.

Getting CLOSER to Grove City Broad Street

Today our documentary photography class went out to document Grove City Broad Streetthrough the theme of "closer." My group decided we would take the approach of getting a contrast of people on the street and seeing the street while being a whole lot closer to a person.

I really like how some of these turned out - I submitted the black and white one with the manikin head for my final photo.

This picture is my friend Stuart, who was nice enough to pose for me. I didn't actually use this picture for the documentary, it was just for fun.