The Western Barbarians

Alternative societies and cultures are fascinating to me simply because it is something completely different from what I already know and understand. My particular interest in the Chinese culture has proven to surprise me over and over again when I least expect it.

I am writing a paper on the Opium Wars between the Chinese and the British in the mid-1800s and how these wars and events caused the ultimate downfall of the Chinese dynasties in the early to mid-1900s. I expected the reasons behind the Chinese loss of these wars and the downfall would be the Chinese inferior military or political problems that caused the weakening of the government and then the inherent problems that follow. But...NO!

The Chinese society called all outsiders barbarians prior to this run-in with the British and they were basically ignorant to the outside world, especially the Western world. They lost the war and allowed so many foreign changes into the country afterwards because they thought they could let invaders in and they would take to the mission of the culture, the Confucian order and the great civilization...but they were wrong!

The foreigners that came into China only cared about wealth and power and those goals were in complete opposition of the Confucian society that was set up...THIS was the downfall of the Chinese dynasties. Once they let foreign influences into their country there was no going back because the government and sovereigns had no control over their people anymore.

Maybe this isn't interesting to you...but I think it is very interesting considering what an international world we live in these days! I'm not saying that it was a bad thing that China let those influences in because they had a lot of internal problem and external problems without the help of foreigners...but think of our country today. We have almost unlimited access to any culture and society on earth to learn and study about what they do and why. So has that brought us as Christians down and weakened our argument or has it allowed for implementations and strengthening of our faith?

I think the fact that we have access to so many other cultures has allowed us as Christians to be much more effective in what we believe and why when we can hear and understand the other side of the story. We can't live our lives in ignorant bliss thinking that there is only one way to do things and we are always right.

Someone came to GCC and spoke about being in the world and not of it as Christians and then my goof friend wrote a blog about how wonderful this idea is and how frustrated she is that Christians create their own world so they don't have to exist in the real world. I think this can be a real danger. You can read it yourself if you're interested at http://thedoctorsnotes.blogspot.com/.

Learn history to learn from it...I always hated history and finally it is making sense... about 16 years too late.

Battlefields

Sometimes I feel like I am in a battle for the will of God. I pray that He will bless my many pursuits and wishes but many times I am left feeling hopeless because I know deep down that my opponent prays harder than I do and they will inevitably win God's favor and win the war. All that is a desire to manipulate God and His awesome power. Thankfully He won't let us manipulate Him and He's not dumb enough to fall for our tricks.

So what does it look like when I am praying that God will (for example's sake) close one "job opportunity door" because I don't want to work there and my dad is praying that God will open that door for me and that I will see that's where I am supposed to be?

I'm scared. When I think about where I will be a year from now and what all will have gone on already, I get really frightened, to the point of fearful tears. It's not a fear of something dangerous or harmful, or even something "scary" per se. It's a fear of the unknown. God does have a plan in mind and whatever happens is meant to happen and will work out for the best. I don't know how I would be able to sleep at night if I did not have this comfort. But it still leaves me with a fear of making the right choices...mostly just to make it easier on myself. I do believe man can make bad choices... not outside of God's plan, but just bad decisions that will take a while to work through.

A year from now I will have a job, hopefully, and will be setting into a new apartment with one of my friends. Both of my best friends will be half way around the world, one in South America and one in Europe. The rest of my pretty good friends will be scattered around the country and the world, also settling into their new apartments and jobs. Some will be getting used to being married and maybe living in a new house. Fewer yet may be approaching the immaculate experience of bringing another human life into the world. Some will be preparing to travel to the far east to fight for our freedom. Some will be moving to other places to fight for the Gospel. One or 2 may be fighting a loosing battle with cancer or other terminal diseases. In one year's time there may be many funerals and weddings and births. This might be somewhat morbid sounding, but the truth and the future are rarely pleasant, I have found.

Now is all I want to think about right now. Tomorrow I have the first of hopefully many interviews for a job after college. I have to worry about how to present myself in a way that will seem humble, yet confident... knowledgeable, yet ready to learn. Also I have to deal with the moral battle of convincing a company that I am excited about working for their company and that they should give me the job, when I don't even really want the position.

Such is life?

You don't know me...

I wanna ask you -
Do you ever sit and wonder,
It's so strange
That we could be together for
So long, and never know, never care
What goes on in the other one's head?

Things I've felt but I've never said
You said things that I never said
So I'll say something that I should have said long ago:

(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all (at all)

You could have just propped me up on the table like a mannequin
Or a cardboard stand-up and paint me (paint me)
Any face that you wanted me
To be seen.
We're
Damned by the existential moment where
We saw the couple in the coma and
It was we were the cliché,
But we carried on anyway.

So, sure, I could just close my eyes.
Yeah, sure, trace and memorize,
But can you go back once you know